(If you want to play along to original recording transpose down 1 tone to Bb)
Now, Delaney had a donkey that everyone admired
Temporarily lazy and permanently tired
A leg at every corner balancing his head
And a tail to let you know which end he wanted to be fed.
Riley, slyly said “we’ve underrated it
Why not train it?” then they took a rag
They rubbed it, scrubbed it, they oiled and embrocated it
Got it at the post and when the starter dropped the flag:
There was Riley pushing it, shoving it, shushing it
Hogan, Logan and everyone in town
Lined up attacking it, n'shoving it and smacking it
They might as well a'tried to push the Town Hall down.
The donkey was eyeing them, openly defying them
Winking, blinking and twisting out of place,
Riley reversing it, everybody cursing it
The day Delaney’s donkey ran the half mile race.
The muscles of the mighty never known to flinch
They couldn’t move the donkey a quarter of an inch
Delaney lay exhausted hanging ’round his throat
With a grip just like a Scotsman on a five pound note.
Starter Carter, he lined it with the rest of ’em
When it saw them it was willing then
It raced up, braced up, ready for the best of ’em
They started off to cheer it but it changed it’s mind again!
And there was Riley pushing it, shoving it, shushing it
Hogan, Logan and Mary-Ann McGrath
She started poking it and grabbing it and choking it
It kicked her in the bustle and it laughed hee-haw!
The Whigs and Conservatives, the Radical Superlatives
Liberals and Tories they hurried to the place
Stood there in unity, helping the community
The day Delaney’s donkey ran the half mile race.
The crowd began to cheer it and Rafferty the judge
He came up to assist ’em but still it wouldn’t budge
And the jockey who was riding it, little John McGee
Was so thoroughly disgusted that he went and had his tea!
Hagan, Fagan were students of psychology
Swore they’d shift him with some dynamite
They bought it, brought it, and without apology
The donkey gave a sneeze and blew the whole lot outa sight.
And there was Riley pushing it, shoving it, shushing it
Hogan, Logan and all the bally crew
Police and Auxiliary, the Garrison Artillery
The Second Enniskillen’s and the Life Guards too.
They seized it n'harried it, they picked it up and carried it
Cheered it, steered it to the winning place.
Then the bookmaker’s drew aside, and they all committed suicide
The day Delaney’s donkey won the half mile race!
